Let Your Feelings Go

Sometimes we keep feelings bottled up inside us for so long, that it tears us up inside! We pull away from the world, all because something dramatic has changed our lives, or some one has hurt us very deeply. Losing a love one, a mother, a son, a daughter is pain that live with us until the day we ourselve take that journey. I've been a victim of both. I lost my father, and that was the worst pain I thought I could ever feel. It took a long time for me to accept the fact he had gone on to be with God. I prayed for relief, and for God to take the pain away. It's still there to this day! I loved my father, never really got a chance to tell him. I tried to stay under him when I was little, but as I grew older, I began to distance myself. I begin to drift to the street life, selling drugs, drinking, and skipping school became my way of life. I knew it hurt both my mother, and my father! My mother is a Christian, and raised me in the church. I'll never forget the day I left home on my 17th birthday, and the pain I caused my mother. Every time I think of it, it really bothers me, I wish I ciuld take that day back!!! Little over a year later, my father passed away. That was 1994, it's 2011 and I'm still dealing with it! Holding these feelings in, was the cause of loosing the "Love of my Life"! She left me standing alone, hurting, while she embraced another man. This woman had my heart, and walked away with it! I wonder if I can love again, if I can trust someone with my heart, trust them to love me, like I deserve to be loved. When I meet some one now, I always keep a barrier up between us, too afraid to let my feelings get to wrapped up in it, thinking I will only end up alone, and hurt again. My feelings that I hold inside, may be the end to all of my relationships!!! Let your feelings go...!